Hundred Ways to Feel Old (a Thousand Ways to Feel Young)
Last week in our send out I mentioned that I'd been on the Lake Waikaremoana Great Walk with my daughter, and that I'd been given a lot to share.
I'm writing to a wide range of relationships, from my sister and Mom, to new customers who have made a first time purchase in the last few days. I've been writing for fifteen years, so it's always tricky for me to start a more heart-felt conversation.
SO, here's an on-ramp:
I am absolutely devoted to the message that not only our wellness, but our very salvation as a planet is found in recognising the truth of nature. Not something we visit, something we are.
I have a tendency to work too many hours, and for 2025 I'm practicing more hours outdoors and less hours at a computer.
I'm Bex, that's not my given name, but my own soul name, derived from Rebecca.
I've been learning about being a daughter and a human for 59 years in this lifetime, about being a wife and business woman for 25 years (it was a big year), and about being a Mum for 21 years. Being an avid organic gardener on our 5 acre property was dirt sanity in the little kid years, although now that land is no longer ours to tend.
In one former version of Bex, I was a hard-body, guiding outdoor adventures on rivers and rock for 14 years, in between doing personal adventures that were exposed and remote on multiple continents. I learned to be present to fear, my own and my guests. Then, as a counterpoint, I was a certified massage therapist, running a clinic for many years in Queenstown (and still doing terrific missions like running Routeburn in a day, or up Wye Creek into the back side of the Remarks on a day off). I learned to be present to pain, my own and my clients.
As with you, no matter how old you are, I feel sure, there's lots of versions of you.
And somewhere along the way, the bad ass versions seemed to be a long in the rear view mirror, much as I enjoyed softening into being "Mum". Softening into being Mum, and running a business, somewhere along the way turned into feeling weary.
The last 5 years of business have been Not Fun. It's been alot of learning, courage, creativity, and patience, and while an easier business story would have been totally fine by me, I accept the gifts and clarity that have come from stewarding this story.
For some time I have put my own health and recreation needs somewhere at the bottom of the "list", and while my daily time outdoors and meditation were consistent, I was hardly thriving. I kept thinking of the free time I'd have after the business recovered or it wasn't mine to tend anymore. Then, realised, I'm living the Hundred Ways to Feel Old.
It starts with reasonable words like responsible and duty, but became a rhythm that became a burden. I kept saying to my husband, I love everything I'm doing, it's just that there's too much of it. The list of a Hundred, became Hundreds, and I started to feel anxious just looking at it.
So in late 2024, crossing through our 25 year anniversary with barely a hat-tip as I had just launched our brand re-fresh, I told everyone near me of my plan for 2025, which was Less Lists, Less Hours Work and More Walks. I had no idea how I was going to achieve that. But saying it out loud made it more real.
My daughter Helena, home for summer (and done with university!), offered to be my walking buddy and daily over the next eight weeks we explored more and longer walks in the area. She invited me to do the Lake Waikaremoana Great Walk, but I wasn't sure I had a trip that size in me. So, we did lots of smaller walks, and finally a test walk of 3 hours up Whakapoungakau to a peak, 400m in elevation rise, and then 400m back down over 10km total. It was big one for me, and what I got to experience was that my body still remembered how to do that kind of mission.
And so in February, Helena and I did the Lake Waikaremoana Great Walk. She let me lead so I could set the pace. And the person I was before, capable, strong, and steady merged with the person I'd become, capable, strong, and steady, just in a different way. I found me again- maybe a little more considered, maybe even kinder, and yet still able to laugh and be in wonder, and get curious.
So the Thousand Ways to Feel Young came from the walk- walking all day is so incredibly therapeutic, and as mentioned in the last post, it was a nervous system re-set that I needed. And I realised, I'm younger than I was 10 years ago.
Feeling young starts with only a sprinkling of ingredients- they might be different for you, but mine were- willingness, acceptance and curiosity. From these things, creativity flowed. And from creativity, comes the thousand ways.
Last winter it was these attributes applied to painting for a week in Sweden. This summer it was every green, every sparkle, every swim, every step, every breath putting down of a burden that I thought I'd been given, but that I'd actually created.
I've started making a series of posts about this last four months. I have no idea when they'll be posted, because I'm really going good on the "no list" thing. I now have large buckets that capture process (including one called Hole in the Bucket, where I get rid of the stuff I don't want to handle anymore, very satisfying). I pull from the buckets sometimes on process deadlines but more and more as inspired (like writing to you). I wanted to give you a thumbnail as counterpoint to scrolling, or newsfeeds and email responding.
I believe that the Curious mind turns off the worrying mind. What I learned this summer is that is also turns off weariness.
Here's the Skimpy Version:
Write What you Need (it makes it real)
Tell People (it gives some accountability)
Take Steps to Make that Happen- life might shift all at once, but it may take a little notice
Allow People to Help
Cultivate Curiosity
If any of this starts a whisper in your heart, I'll be your first "Tell People"
With respect, Bex
